new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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