Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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