He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
