That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
