Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
