Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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