I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
