I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
