You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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