I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
