The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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