What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
