I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As shirtless as possible
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
