We're facebook friends in real life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
