then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
