so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
