3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
