I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize