The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
