i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
