So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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