i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
