you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
