maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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