He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
