I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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