let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
