take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
