Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
