Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
