You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize