she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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