is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
