Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
