the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
