Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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