This is not my ceiling
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
worst night to have a conscience
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
