Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
