he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
