dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
