so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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