First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
