i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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