I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Life is so much better after having sex.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
