When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
