The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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