The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
