Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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