i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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