apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Randomize
