My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
