I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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