Cold hands, warm shart.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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