i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
