He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
