so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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