Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
