I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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