i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
