I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
