apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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