This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
