It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You may now shotgun with the bride
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
